Identity Based Decision Making

Experiencing one of the coldest and longest winters I can remember in a long time, like many people I am finding myself in an uncomfortable negative space where self-descriptor words I might use would include gems such as " irritable, withdrawn, sluggish, in a rut, bored and generally kind of miserable.  Being a Personal Development Coach, one might think I'd be immune to these un-resourceful states of mind, however, also being human, that is not always the case.  Fortunately though, I have become quite practised at recognizing when I have fallen into this kind of thinking, feeling and acting, and can often "self-coach' myself into a more resourceful and adaptive way of being.  

(Note:  I want to be clear that I am not directing this article towards people who are suffering from diagnosed or undiagnosed clinical depression/biochemical imbalance, nor am I implying that clinical depression is the result of un-resourceful thinking.  However, I do believe that resourceful thinking strategies can be helpful in addition to other forms of therapy and treatment for depression)

One of the ways I have found to be effective in turning around negative internal states is an intentional living skill I like to call "Identity Based Decision Making" and it goes like this:  When I think of the concept of one's identity, I define it as who we are when we are acting out our highest-self or at our very best and most fulfilled, and all of the qualities and values that come together within us that inform that state.  For those of you who are new to my way of thinking around identity and core values, I invite you to visit my earlier posts, particularly one called "Knowing Who We Really Are", but in a nut shell, our values are the building blocks of who we are, and are the traits that inform, guide and motivate us intrinsically.  When we are feeling happy and balanced, it is usually because we are, in some way, acting in alignment with our best-self versus falling into self sabotaging behaviours and patterns, buying into our limiting beliefs and making poor daily choices based on low motivation and pervasive un-resourceful thinking.   

So, having said that, when I find myself  falling back into lower-self negative thinking, persistent states of "blah" for lack of a better word, poor motivation and self sabotaging behavior I try my best to consciously reacquaint myself with my most important core values and sense of identity - or in other words "Who am I when I feel like I am at my very best and what are the qualities that define 'me' in that state?"  Usually one or two out of my list of value words will resonate or feel strongest for me at any given time and emerge as my focus or starting point.  Once I am clear on what my key value words are, then I make an intentional effort throughout the day to concentrate my energy, behaviour, decision making (big and small) and manner of overall presentation based on those qualities.

To make this a bit more concrete using myself as an example, the most salient "identity qualities" I am intentionally aligning with these days are the qualities of "Grace", "Productivity"  and "Fun" (not necessarily related to each other, but all big buzz words for me right now each in their own way) and so when faced with minute to minute decisions throughout the day, ranging from the mundane to bigger life questions, I consciously try to approach them from the vantage points of those qualities.  Part of doing this effectively is being very aware of what my thoughts are around the various choices I am making and constantly ensuring they are aligning with my focused identity words ( yes, I seem to talk to myself an awful lot lately!) 

 

Examples of this self alignment questioning might be:

1. What are the qualities I want to embody most today or in this situation? 
2. How would a graceful person handle or approach this situation/conflict/ conversation?
3. How would a productive person spend the next hour of free time best?
4. If I was being a productive person, what would be the first thing I would do right now?
5. What might be a fun way to motivate my kids in this situation?
6. What is the best meal choice for breakfast based on wanting to be productive today?
7. How would a graceful person carry herself in this meeting?
8. How do I speak with my child about this issue from a state of grace or fun versus frustration/irritability?
9. When I have felt more productive at other times in my life, what was I doing differently that I could start to do again now?
10. How can I bring more fun into the morning school routine?

 

I am not saying that every negative mood can always be turned around by doing just this, however I do find for both myself and for my clients it can be useful as a re-focusing/re-orientation tool for making better choices throughout the day, such that over time, all of those small choices add up to an overall improved physical/mental/emotional state of being.  At the very least, is a great way to practise the skill of living consciously and with intention, which is always at the foundation of creating lasting and positive change.