Putting up barriers and blocking progress towards what we want to achieve may seem counter intuitive, but the intention is self protective in nature, despite its negative outcome. We are all largely driven by self protection, and the limits we put in place for ourselves are usually motivated by our deepest fears with some kind of protective purpose, but the problem is that moving forward and achieving big things in our lives demands a certain level of risk and change. In other words, the fear of failure and the fear of success are really two sides of the same coin - we unconsciously fear making progress and creating change because we know that on some level it will involve moving out of our comfort zone and taking risks, and so part way through our achieving a goal it becomes really tempting to back off, stay complacent and take the path of least resistance where we can be safe and seemingly comfortable. This is where we might hear ourselves saying, "Things aren't that bad, so why bother?", "Is this worth the risk/discomfort - maybe things are ok the way they are?" For most people, the answer is no, things are not ok the way they are, which is why they were looking for change in the first place, but the overwhelming need to stay safe and comfortable is what's running the show.
So how do you know if it is time to start pushing your own limits and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable? Perhaps you have been feeling bored or uninspired with your regular routine? Maybe you are feeling as though something is missing? Maybe there is an idea you keep avoiding about something you want to change or try for the first time? Maybe you have already achieved a moderate degree of success and are stuck in a place of "Now what - should I do more or just be happy with where I'm at?" If any of these are feeling familiar, one of the first things you can do to move through your own resistance is to really start being honest about what you really want and what fears are holding you back.
We are afraid of all kinds of things - embarrassment, showing strong emotion, making wrong choices, looking foolish or incompetent, losing control, being overwhelmed, going through uncomfortable change, feeling judgement from others - the list goes on and on, but ask yourself what you are afraid of and why? Is that fear still relevant in your life or are you in a different place now with new skills and resources? Is holding onto that fear and letting it run you truly helping you or is it holding you back in a way that is creating more damage in your life? The answers are different for everybody, but chances are, if you are feeling stuck or dissatisfied with some area of your life, there is fear and resistance of some kind blocking you from making positive change.
Once you know what fears are running you, you can consciously decide to release or overcome them and move forward. For some it's about baby steps and breaking down their goals into bite size pieces that don't trigger as much fear, and for others it feels more right to charge forward and push through their fears all at once. What ever way you choose is just fine as long as somehow you find a way to create the change you really want to have - if the outcome is something that is meaningful to you, getting over the fear is really worth it vs. staying safe and "comfortable" in dissatisfaction. When you push your limits and challenge yourself in positive ways, there is always value no matter what, even if things don't go exactly as planned. Maybe you will uncover a new or lost skill or inner resources you didn't know you had? Perhaps you will learn more about yourself and find out you are stronger or more resilient then you think? Maybe you will connect with a part of you that's become lost over the years? What if taking on a new challenge opens you up to new influences, ideas and opportunities? What if going outside your safe zone leads you in an exciting direction you hadn't thought of before? Don't you want to find out in your life sooner than later? I know that I certainly don't want to be at the end of my life looking back regretfully at not having tried or done something I wanted to do based solely on fear. Doesn't the idea of that just seem unacceptable when you think about it in that way?
In that light, I want to personally share that I will be pushing myself way out of a comfortable place over the next year. Being at a stage in my own life where I have already achieved many of my personal and professional goals, I have found myself looking for an exciting and limit pushing challenge to take me to a new level in my personal development (I have learned that I am definitely a "so now what?" kind of person). I have committed to a one year process of training for and competing in the 2013 Spartan Challenge - a 5km obstacle course mud-race (totally crazy) designed to test one's psychical and mental endurance and strength. Anyone who knows me will agree that this goal is 100% outside of my comfort zone - so much so, I can honestly say I am absolutely terrified at the thought of it. All of my deepest fears are present and in living colour here - public embarrassment, looking weak, foolish or incompetent, showing strong emotion, physical pain and trauma - it's a one stop shop of fear for me!! However, having said that, above and beyond my terror, is a whole new sense of vitality, adventure and excitement attached to trying something beyond my comfortable limits and that is even more motivating for me now than the need to protect myself. It is going to be really tough - I mean really really tough, and I know that I will resist, doubt and probably hate this goal multiple times along the way, but I know that what will keep me going is the promise of all the things to be gained from the experience.
So, enough about me, why not ask yourself today, where is the limit of your own comfort, how will you begin to push on it and how great will it be when you are through it on the other side?
